When I go to describe my daughter it starts of something like this....she's wonderful, amazing. smart, beautiful, a true blessing.....then it somehow turns into this....high maintenance, needy, fussy, hates people, doesn't sleep, spoiled, and an all around thorn in my side. I love my daughter deeply. More than I love anything more than I thought I could ever love another person but at the same time I think she's trying to kill me.
With that said, yesterday after another frantic, "I can't take this any longer" phone call to my mother she begins to explain to me about a book she read, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron. She had explained to me once before that she believed Ellasyn had a few of the traits as a HSP. I proceeded to listen but didn't give it much attention because I just figured Ellie was "spoiled." I hate that word! But I have used it when explaining my child's "ways". She gives me some examples and then proceeds to tell me different options on how to keep control of the situation and helping Ellie with her needs without going crazy.
See, Ellasyn likes to be held, she does not like loud environments or yelling, no rough play, crowds of any sort especially with strangers, being left alone even for a second while I run to grab something in the other room, she doesn't like for us to turn our back to her when walking away, she gets frantic when we even stand up to walk away, riding in the car is pure hell, she wants us to sit on the floor beside her to play not on the couch or chair, sudden movements startle her, and she hates when things/people jump out to say surprise or just to say boo in a playful manner. Now while this all may sound normal I just didn't see how it could be. Not that Ellasyn isn't normal because she is. She's healthy and thriving at home in her own environment and with people she knows well. But I still felt some level of concern. I would observe other children in the mommy group to see their actions and reactions to things. It would take Ellasyn several minutes to warm up if she did at all. I do understand that, that is normal with many children in new situations. However, some kids would run off and play and not look back. Ellasyn would constantly check to see if I was still there and I swear she could sense if I stood up and started to walk away even if her back was to me. So all of these things I listed, as well as other I have not, lead me to want to start doing some research on children. Especially books that related to my own child specifically.
I googled the book that my mother had read and the same author had written one for Children, The Highly Sensitive Child. So I bought it. I am a firm believer that if you don't know what to do, than pick up a book. I hate when people just "wing" it. While yes you CAN do that to a certain degree, it just doesn't work well for me. I see parents who constantly put their needs before their child's and it saddens me, because I believe that you had this child now you need to give it everything that you possibly can.
Anyways, half way through the book I realized Ellasyn is a HSC in many ways but in others ways she is not. Some HSC have extreme issues while others are more mild. For example, some HSC are very particular about their clothing. They do not like tags or certain fabrics. This was something I had never thought twice about while it was happening, but remembered, when Ellasyn was a few months younger she was constantly pulling and tugging on her clothing. All the necks of her onsies were stretched out because she would pull on them. We just thought it was because she was becoming more mobile and noticing more, which was also true. Now, however, she has been biting or tugging at her sleeves if the bottom of them has a different sewing pattern than others. But many children who are not considered HSC dislike the tags in their clothing. So that is what I keep debating how can someone possibly know whether they are or they are not.
I'm sure if your reading this and have not read the book you are either thinking this woman's child is crazy or that all of this is completely normal with infants. But that's the thing I don't know. What's normal and what's not at such a small level?
So was her sensitivity my fault or Adams? No. Or at least I don't think so. Ellasyn knows exactly whats she wants and how she wants it and while right now she can not communicate it as well as we would like she is growing everyday and it IS becoming easier. She is brilliant and everyday she proves to us that she knows exactly what we are saying and response to things we talk about or point out to her. A friend came over to visit and saw a pair of Ellasyn's shoes and asked her if those were her sparkle shoes. Ellasyn crawled over to them and picked them up to show her. Coincidence? Probably, but little things like that happen all the time. So if she is a HSC it isn't affecting her development in anyway she is just more "sensitive" than most.
I am no doctor and I don't claim to be and in 4 months Ellasyn may have a whole new set of problems, which is likely, but for right now I am reading and finding any kind of information I can to make both of our lives easy and happy. The more I learn about what I can do in certain situations to make her feel more comfortable and perhaps not so 'timid' the better everyone will be.
I know this post to many will not mean a damn thing. But then there may be that one mother who reads it and thinks hmmmmm maybe I should read this book or that book or what can I do to improve a situation or learn more about something that has to do with my child. If not well I guess you will have to wait until tomorrow maybe then I will write something you actually want to read:)
Today I am a wife, mother, and raising a highly sensitive child...maybe.
Keep Chasing those Fireflies!!
CJ
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